ME....SIMPLIFIED

Yes u get lost ..amidst the daily humdrum , the usual ,the mundane , the sudden rains , the sudden change in weather . It's everyday  of music , bus rides , train journeys and watching sweaty women fight for rights, fight with their families , fight for their families , abuse , rebuke , reprimand societal stigmas , also for not abiding by them . Everyone seems confused, baffled , provoked at the slightest epiphany of the unknown , the unusual , scared of the vicious circle of fate , the improbable becoming a possibility , the deviation from normal . Fear envelopes your senses to become agitated and rebel . Is being a rebel good? It brings out the dark side , the demon which lurks somewhere awaiting a breakthrough.  It somewhat frees you and that's good right! You become a bad person but you become good for you and self love is the best love because no-one cares actually.It's a facade , a show , it's Darwin's ultimatum working all along both scientifically and philo...

She comes basking in all glory and success,having achieved everything in life ,born lucky,forever loved,got what she deserved and even more and there she goes as the alarm goes to snooze mode. Wearing her over-powered spectacles in her budget outfits she drags herself through journeys everyday with constant speculation of her performance,adjusting to whatever she never desired,having occasional altercations and quite rarely a moment to genuinely smile. She struggles , with herself , to make her life worth something,the mundane depresses her yet she survives to make something out of it and when she cannot get things any better,she fantasizes .She has learnt to let go of everything she held dear at one point as she is growing ,she is maturing ,she believes not everything is meant to be ,not every girl deserves to be a princess with a tiara. In the process of gaining her self worth she loses it all sometimes,life takes a toll on her ,luck becomes her nemesis ,all efforts forlorn .She ...

Independence in truest sense is a feeling, is an atmosphere that one achieves when there is freedom from all the inhibitions that bind us. The clouds roar through the sunny troposphere declaring their independence from always showing their Caucasian appearance, even they breathe out the personified frustrations by greying. The birds fly through the sky independent of all the earthly bound fears, in a territory where no one can reach them, they feel free. The water unleashes its power on the land during a torrential storm proclaiming independence of exploration. A human fights through all the adversities and achieves the independence of owning something /someone. Well its quite iridescent how emotions add to the fuel. Every urge of being independent, every urge of fighting for independence is instigated by emotional upheavals. If there was no anger, no love, no pride, no happiness there wouldn't have been a single war, there wouldn't have been the birth of numerous senses li...

The city of Kolkata which is getting painted in blue as often as once in every fortnight to maybe camouflage how  womanhood is getting devoid of admiring the natural sky color in their lives and portraying a “dented and painted” picture of the more inclusive black emulsion in the novel azure. Noted as one of the safest cities around the world which mainly concerned food lovers, poetry devotee and folklore who would indignantly accept change but still never raise a finger has sadly become a sadistic landscape. I ,as a woman ,loved this aristocratic conurbation where I could deck myself in any fashion and people wouldn’t care, maybe they would talk behind my back, ogle me but now I am scared. I loved the times when traveling via public transit was an uninhibited matter even at late nights when guardians wouldn’t worry about their wards taking a 9’0 clock bus back home but now I am scared. I am scared to walk in crowded lanes, I am scared to walk through empty streets, now I am...

With winter comes the need of warmth from sweaters as well as loved ones and obviously the latter is the one for which we creed more but for me this is gonna be yet another “icey icey” winter where even holding hands has become overrated .always bound by the governance of my parents i had wrongly thought that a job could give me my final deserving freedom of doing just everything but alas all goes in vain when Calcutta just wont leave me .everyday passing by nicco park and seeing couples holding each other i feel the chills more out of rage or maybe pain .my morning starts with my mother lamenting on the fact that i am so ordinary doing nothing great unlike my relatives, doing an ordinary job and not getting through any mba entrance or rather any exams, that is followed by the shuttle drive to sector 5 which is crowded with people complaining about their jobs or polluting the air with cigarette smoke and the lucky ones do find a lot of joints to make the deprived feel jealous (myself...

this is just another illustration of the epitome of emotions i am experiencing right now,was watching a show on t.v where it was a children's episode and a child cudn answer a question and started crying explicitly and that is wen this thought came across my mind---this child cudn answer a "googly"(as in their terms) and bursted out and in life the dimesions of these "googlies" just keep increasing and u just cant keep track of how many such situations u encounter and then u do wat? cry ,inadvertently in most cases bt since we r grown -ups now so it just bcomes implicit but we surely cry in our minds,in our hearts and try to lock ourselves in the bathroom and wail out,but finally u hav to cope up with the situation either by the aid of a chocolate or self consolence.move on with life ,forget the past,recollect memories wen u r down and continue creating similar 'memorably detestable' situations.the big question is ....Are we solely responsible for creat...

Revealing something like this to everyone is really an act of juvenility but my condition is so frustrating dat i had no way out rather than penning it down(metaphorically)..happy news, i am finally an engineer so my brooding blogs about studying at a mediocre college and living in a semi-urban area is over.so i am going to elaborate bout my current love life status a bit and u r most welcome to just close this window if u r not interested but some of u ,out there i need your opinion(my girlfriends,specially), i hav lost trust in the other side of the species. maybe its the lack of occupancy dat is driving me crazy on a failed relationship.but this was my relationship,the one i cherished,the one i loved to fight for even with my parents,the one dat was actually the only source of happiness for this otherwise very introvert girl,i wanted this to work so earnestly but maybe it was all my fault to take this to this disparaging hiatus which is still unacceptable to me.while he was out in ...

one thing that indians should be devoid of and i am not talking about mr onion here is the extraordinary voice level..that can rise up day by day just like the non-recoverable energy resource,oil..only thing that oil is more essential than the high pitched voice.. well biologically speaking there are vocal cords,uvula,and a tongue that help in producing the beautiful sounds which can ultimately get transformed into a commotion but while creating this beautiful homo sapien, god hadnt much realised her favourite creation has so many opinions and so much to talk that would eventually create noise pollution and musical inferences like 'sheila ki jawani'(like really there are so many important things ,like shotuing for help wen a fellow someone gets beaten up by bullies un front of u and u still prefer buying ur pizza and getting away asap in silence)..so no offence but you up there needs to tweak ur human creation a little and set a low decibel limit i tell u .. its amazing who d...

after a month long hospital experiences..visualising the hard reality,the invoking fear.. its been another month..things have changed..i have forgotten my real crush but yet he always comes by in my dreams,now i have a huge 'celebrity' crush on Ian Somerhalder but only that i dont get to c him at all which makes removal of the first crush from my mind a little difficult...and well the new addiction for vampires and the creed for them to exist in the real world has become highly overrated..listening to really good music and the effort to understand people around me,giving them chances,fighting a lot and making up still continues and definitely bitching too is still my preferance at leisure times.(well all girls bitch)..lately finding solace in the utterly juvenile yet innocent south east teleseries is my addition in this otherwise dull life of mine.. still something that scares me ...death,disease,weakness...hearing my mom out everyday and the pain she is suffering hurts me to...

So an experience at the hospital....definitely noone wants to hear and know..someplace a man never wants to visit and a married woman earnestly wants to but only once that too coz there is this custom of human coming out of human which god doesnt have much plan in changing.. but unfortunately i am having the "greatest fortune" of returning to the place where i was born, over and over and rather than the memory of coming to this world, the pain inflicted by the neeedles are way to severe.so now blogging with a some tubes inserted in the hand and a headache and a face full of dengue rashes it actually feels a little better,technology surely at rescue..a month ago my mother got admitted here ,underwent an adrenalectomy(dont stress much on understanding wat it is as u atleast need bio in xii and a little interest in the subject to decipher the actual significance of the operation)..well she went back home and now i am here sitting on that similar reclinable spread with a 1 me...

life...thinkin,thinking,thinkiing,thinkiinngg..and the process continues till one day u dont even have the ability to remember ur name..and then comes the vile disguise of the one u trust and takes u away.everything is so uncertain ..wat u ll grow up to be (einstein or just a person learning his laws),wat u ll look like (after all who doesn want to woo the indian cricket team captain),will u at all marry the person u love(all that fights and the money spent and parent's disagreement will go in vain otherwise)..and the biggest wen will u die?(u dont need to take 7 tuitions to get into iit and die an yr later)..overall life is a but a big ?and u dont hav the answer to any..trust me ..ok not me say darwin,even he simplified evolution so much that he still doesnt have the answer to the existence of a heart,a kidney,a liver...Hope we had assumptions and the oracle could actually decide and predict everything but we have so many assumptions that the poor thing would prefer resigning ..al...

let me just share some small talks.. 1)guys,obviously the very first thing that should come into the mind of a 'straight'girl..wen i sit in the car staring out of the window all i find are good looking,dashing men..desire for a perfect bf and all i end up is with .."aaaaaaaaaaa my bf"and his ignorance..the thought..like he isnt one of the best luking guys in town nor amongst the 'top (say) 1000'then wy stick with an ignorant so so man wen i definitely deserve more(w.r.t the fact ..,even friedo pinto is getting a role in a Woody Allen film). 2)i sometimes hate my mom so much for her over expectations from me,for me..and her excessive agitations at times,skepticism..and being so whimsical always bt tonight i had a heart-to-heart chat with her and i discovered that i am no more this 'scared daughter always getting rebuked for the wrong as well as the right reasons'..trust me wen its right i own up coz i feel guilty for being such a douche at times bt wen...

The first one..was quite subtle..my mom left me the previous time with my maternal relatives wen i was suffering from the dreadful but obvious malariae ...so they had to make up for it..so (i don’t remember the exact season ) it was time to go foreign..maybe in standard 8 or 9 then, have had the experience to visit the SAARC countries it was something i was anticipating for long then..so bags all packed boarding the thai airways ..TG 311 was so alluring..one of the many conveniences of the international flight—food and obviously entertainment goes hand in hand..though i missed the opportunity of visualising the shockingly fascinating lighted skyline of Bangkok as the plane landed at 7 in the morning but at that time the flamboyant skyscrapers were enough to enthral me..so then went another week shopping at the 24 hrs open shopping malls and the street shops which resembled our ”new market” ,scampering some Indian restaurants to not annoy our taste buds with their famous fish sauce and...

Déjà vu.....,imagining myself working in a coal mine, meagre salary, unobtainable luxury food, the no bed but just a cot arrangement and electricity like the flickering fate...the extreme of hardship i cud ever imagine, the ultimate route to self destruction ....and there goes the alarm...with the roadster tone in the nokia 3110 classic,1 of my many saviours currently..snooze, alarm, snooze..wake up ..”fuck fuck fuck ..its 8.30.. half an hour to oblivion”..gulp some water, put on the filthy coloured fading yellow shirt with more fading blue stripes on it and the mosquito non- repellent obvious blue trousers and definitely the tie(which i cant tie by myself though)..put in 2 to 3 copies (lately....,as previously i used to maintain an universal copy for all subjects which my mom had bought me wen i got admitted to this ‘never going to be a reminiscence alma mater’..now that the copies are over i thought i wud not be so irresponsible and scamper for notes later so bought 6 copies but on...

girls,take a break..really u must ..its important coz the guys really hav loads of trouble keeping up with ur expectations which actually soar high enough to kill them prematurely.now dont think otherwise as i too belong to the category..but there are certain things rather certain "disqualities" that women possess which i detest..trust me i always try to correct myself in these cases but the realisation is so late that things already get worse for the other person.. that is wat i exactly wish..girls, realise soon enough not to hurt someone.now lets c.. waiting-a pain,wearing those high heels and waiting for ur bf on the middle of the street where ppl actually stare at ur curvature..its irritating,disturbing and fucking u want to point out ur middle finger high up to the jerks on road..bt this is calcutta dear so u let out all on ur bf,legitimate bt a little awry..hear out the guy, give him a chance..if he is like "sorry, i cudn wake up"..take out ur pointed heels an...

its like u suffer these symptoms wen ur too self conscious...and it drags u to hell..the hell which is more deep than just few flames and a boiling pot where u r ready to be the main ingredient of the soup...its more like a headache which never goes away,its like u r cheated by life itself,its a complete 'emotional attaychar' to be more specific which is obtained by oneself ...now wat is 'self consciousness'..a drug which is detrimental ..too detrimental..a toxic substance which destroys u slowly.. i find myself to be a victim and its killing me.trust me..the pain,the tears,the solitude,the fucking emotions..sometimes u feel like dying underage and goin to heaven atleast an identity which is killing the human mechanism might be lost..and so the emotions...the fucking feature which makes human life intolerable at some instances..like tears----wen does the lachrymal glands get overburdened and cannot hold those overpowering hot water drops..u never know..it comes durin pa...

i have like written 6 blogs till now..nothing great but then i havent actually elaborately mentioned about someone whom i shud give undue credit to ...not for this idea of blogging at all ..but just a personal muchas gracias(its spanish 'thank u' by the way) for everything i feel today..exactly, not "everything i am today" coz that is sure to be a 'parents take it all line'...and the capability of expressing myself today is all because of this one person who ever since has entered my life has made it "interesting"..trust me...thats the word i cud fish out....maybe u guys reading out there wont be interested enough but see its a courtesy..6 blogs!!...and no him plus i have reprimanded him in 'love rusts' that too...so i thought lets not insult this man further coz he is my 'first'and'last'hope afterall..and i mean it..like---"hello,u are always busy with ur friends ..get lost i ll never talk to you ever ever again..bye by...

According to wat i perceived in these few days ...innocence is actually foolishness..and i mean a great deal of foolishness..so girls wen u hear from ur partners,"dear, u have lost ur inncocence"..it actually refers to the fact that he is trying to scoop up some affair which now u hav the capability of identifying...so actually its gud ..never be innocent enough to not see into what is coming from ur beloved.. apart from adults ...who are some rare victims of "innocence turned foolishness"..children.."little angels"..are the stupidest ppl i have ever come across(not at ttheir on fault though)..no offense ..i love kids ..bt their stupidity is way too much to engulf...if i like one particular kid from the lot ..trust me..i wud just go forward and rescue him/her from the upcoming humility he/she is about to face and then regret thinking bout it the entire life... there was this cricket "match" goin on in my para..with 5 "players".who ace a...

i was watching this famous and i mean extremely "famous" reality show today called ROADIES 7 ...i have been following roadies for the past 5 yrs and not because it has anything substantial in it but merely because of its stupidity..entertainment is a necessity and wat more than watching people making fun of themselves thoough they think quite the contrary.in the interview version questions like the very basic ones "wy do u want to be a roadie?" to the sometimes 'how many times have u been laid?' types are asked and strikingly people have unique answers just to be in the show ..bt it made me think and share with u ppl that there are ppl who jus because were kicked out in the prelims an year ago had tried to stop living,quit college,quit socialising,give up every normal humane activity just to be in this show where the participants dont even have the basic knowledge of the names of 3 countries in africa and at 22 still under the illusion or rather imaginatio...

cuddling my pillow at night i weep like the old days wen i was lonely,very lonely....with my disability to express my thoughts and the shy,complex opinion bout everything i cud never really open up to my parents so always in the search of the perfect person to share everything with,who wud listen to me..ignore my stupidity a times wen i wud end up talking too much irrelevant..just tolerate..advise me..make me laugh.a friend to look upto ,,a friend who wud love me..a friend in the form of anyone..unfortunately it cudn be my parents as for "trying to be modern bt conservative" ppl they were,i had to dwell upon the consequence of disclosing everything..and friends..frankly i was not gud at that at all..too shy,too lazy,too unsocial.so i was a loner..completely..my pillow and my birds..my only companions..i wud cry to them,talk to them like a complete psycho, frustrated with life wud do.. then came this person ..a friend who gradually became that person i was searching for.we bo...