love life lost in vain
Revealing something like this to everyone is really an act of juvenility but my condition is so frustrating dat i had no way out rather than penning it down(metaphorically)..happy news, i am finally an engineer so my brooding blogs about studying at a mediocre college and living in a semi-urban area is over.so i am going to elaborate bout my current love life status a bit and u r most welcome to just close this window if u r not interested but some of u ,out there i need your opinion(my girlfriends,specially), i hav lost trust in the other side of the species.
maybe its the lack of occupancy dat is driving me crazy on a failed relationship.but this was my relationship,the one i cherished,the one i loved to fight for even with my parents,the one dat was actually the only source of happiness for this otherwise very introvert girl,i wanted this to work so earnestly but maybe it was all my fault to take this to this disparaging hiatus which is still unacceptable to me.while he was out in the sea for straight six months,i kept lamenting and missing him like crazy in all happy and yet dismal ocassions,there was no way out ,he called everyday like a good beau,but it was all virtual and i missed him like never before.on the other hand it was the end of college,people who had been hiding feelings for 4 yrs had to unveil this time and so did he whom i had considered to be a good friend.it was not long before i had been going out with him,feeling happy to be cared and all the more guilty at the same time.i cudn keep all this from the sailor boy and so i blabbered out everything.he acted cool and then suddenly one day ,baam,he stops talking to me,he felt irritated when i called him.i pleaded for forgiveness everyday on the other hand i cudn leave this other guy coz he meant something but that was the time i thought sailor boy wud come back and settle down everything and that wud be the time when i wud give up Mr X(the deperately dependant person that i am ).
i thought love was eternal,a forgiving and solemn venture but it turned out cruel..waiting and hoping for my sailor boy went all in vain when he got hold of some other girl and claims that i have been left loveless and that he is too much in love with this other person.now when i listen to these love songs where the guys miss their love and intertwines their emotions into nature,it mocks me.i feel, it is all a myth,love is not divine,it's just cheap to me where one can just kick out a 4 yr old relationship out of the window rather than solving problem and being there for support with the helpless one.where one gallores with gifts and leaves out the inner pain,it doesnt take time to love nor to forget.a much overrated teardrop at a moment seems like a toxic stream to the other person and all the pleas fail,it is just conditional and i have experienced the bitter part of love which kills me everyday.i wish i had a memory eraser like sailor boy so i wudn hav had to remember him or ignored his calls or just let him cry ..the best part is i try to make things ok,travel for 20 km by public transport for his "show" and somehow his mic doesn work and he calls me up telling that jus because i went his show failed and abuses me,wow..like appreciation ,ancient i guess.but i cannot resist, i still call him up everyday hoping that someday he will switch on his phone and talk to me properly.now i wish i had listened to my mother..mistakes happen an so did i commit but even god gives another chance then who is he?..and Mr X, well he is still there pacifying,trying to make up for everything that sailor wud have done for me,trying to love me as much as he can and well i cant blame him for anything coz if my real boyfriend is only there during the thicks and abandons me during the thins then it really leaves no explanation for anything ..
maybe its the lack of occupancy dat is driving me crazy on a failed relationship.but this was my relationship,the one i cherished,the one i loved to fight for even with my parents,the one dat was actually the only source of happiness for this otherwise very introvert girl,i wanted this to work so earnestly but maybe it was all my fault to take this to this disparaging hiatus which is still unacceptable to me.while he was out in the sea for straight six months,i kept lamenting and missing him like crazy in all happy and yet dismal ocassions,there was no way out ,he called everyday like a good beau,but it was all virtual and i missed him like never before.on the other hand it was the end of college,people who had been hiding feelings for 4 yrs had to unveil this time and so did he whom i had considered to be a good friend.it was not long before i had been going out with him,feeling happy to be cared and all the more guilty at the same time.i cudn keep all this from the sailor boy and so i blabbered out everything.he acted cool and then suddenly one day ,baam,he stops talking to me,he felt irritated when i called him.i pleaded for forgiveness everyday on the other hand i cudn leave this other guy coz he meant something but that was the time i thought sailor boy wud come back and settle down everything and that wud be the time when i wud give up Mr X(the deperately dependant person that i am ).
i thought love was eternal,a forgiving and solemn venture but it turned out cruel..waiting and hoping for my sailor boy went all in vain when he got hold of some other girl and claims that i have been left loveless and that he is too much in love with this other person.now when i listen to these love songs where the guys miss their love and intertwines their emotions into nature,it mocks me.i feel, it is all a myth,love is not divine,it's just cheap to me where one can just kick out a 4 yr old relationship out of the window rather than solving problem and being there for support with the helpless one.where one gallores with gifts and leaves out the inner pain,it doesnt take time to love nor to forget.a much overrated teardrop at a moment seems like a toxic stream to the other person and all the pleas fail,it is just conditional and i have experienced the bitter part of love which kills me everyday.i wish i had a memory eraser like sailor boy so i wudn hav had to remember him or ignored his calls or just let him cry ..the best part is i try to make things ok,travel for 20 km by public transport for his "show" and somehow his mic doesn work and he calls me up telling that jus because i went his show failed and abuses me,wow..like appreciation ,ancient i guess.but i cannot resist, i still call him up everyday hoping that someday he will switch on his phone and talk to me properly.now i wish i had listened to my mother..mistakes happen an so did i commit but even god gives another chance then who is he?..and Mr X, well he is still there pacifying,trying to make up for everything that sailor wud have done for me,trying to love me as much as he can and well i cant blame him for anything coz if my real boyfriend is only there during the thicks and abandons me during the thins then it really leaves no explanation for anything ..
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