Nostalgia

With winter comes the need of warmth from sweaters as well as loved ones and obviously the latter is the one for which we creed more but for me this is gonna be yet another “icey icey” winter where even holding hands has become overrated .always bound by the governance of my parents i had wrongly thought that a job could give me my final deserving freedom of doing just everything but alas all goes in vain when Calcutta just wont leave me .everyday passing by nicco park and seeing couples holding each other i feel the chills more out of rage or maybe pain .my morning starts with my mother lamenting on the fact that i am so ordinary doing nothing great unlike my relatives, doing an ordinary job and not getting through any mba entrance or rather any exams, that is followed by the shuttle drive to sector 5 which is crowded with people complaining about their jobs or polluting the air with cigarette smoke and the lucky ones do find a lot of joints to make the deprived feel jealous (myself included amidst the deprived),it is quite eerie that i always manage to end up wetting my eyes feeling frustrated because i hate the job i am doing and secondly for expecting love from a wrong person. Anyway then i muster up the courage to spend 8 hrs in a closed room with decoratively friendly people when in my heart i just creed for him,6:15 and i am back to the shuttle drive with tears in my eyes and then back home to listen to my mother’s grievances against myself.this is how 6 days just pass away in a week (btw Sundays r nothing special,i end up sleeping the whole day)...
I feel sad everyday ,cannot recollect the last time i had a good laugh, cannot recollect the last time i felt being loved and Christmas, the festival i cherish most,just getting ready to spend it like any other day ,under my blanket ,crying maybe when all i needed was just someone to hold my hands and take me to a church and wander around park street just getting awed by the decorations amidst the galore of merriment .i feel sad after coming home everyday after 12 hrs to face my mother’s criticism ,i feel sad but today i decided to make myself happy, to do something for myself .dropped down from a bus and not feeling guilty of eating something without sharing it with my parents or thinking that it wud be so boring to do it alone ,after a wink of hesitation i straight went for the puchka stall and ordered myself a plate of churmur and returned home munching on it without feeling bored or guilty..i actually felt happy that i could indulge in guilty pleasure and not think bout my parents verdict on having street food or not having someone to eat it with me,i cud satisfy my stomach as well as my freedom.it has been too long that dependence has chained me and i am going to cut loose and make people cry for me rather than always being so thoughtful myself and spending my life in vain. Its not that tough to live alone i guess so i m gonna start living the same life i have had for the past 22 yrs but happily before my ailment blinds me.